s the excitement and change of the new school year begins to settle, it’s likely for many families that the calendar is already starting to fill up. It may seem counterintuitive, but we’d like to suggest adding just one more thing to it: a recurring family meeting.
As counselors we adhere to the paraphrased words of Mister Rogers, “Anything mentionable is manageable.” When we offer a space to mention, we can work toward managing.
Family meetings offer regularly scheduled face time where the agenda is solely focused on understanding and connection. Each person’s strengths, accomplishments, feelings, and experiences can be acknowledged and validated. It’s an occasion where your family can get clear on which values and expectations are most important and why, and the family can collaborate on appropriate consequences or repair plans if a value or expectation has been forgotten. Additionally, knowing a meeting is on the horizon gives folks a chance to cool down when problems arise. Families can use the family meeting to create meal plans, discuss household responsibilities and share thoughts on the effectiveness of these processes. Finally, family meetings offer a sense of consistency, safety, and belonging. We could all use more of that!
Here are some ideas for how to approach family meetings:
- Choose a day and time where there is enough time to conduct the meeting thoroughly. One suggestion to our clients is that they build in time before or after the meeting with an activity that nurtures connection and belonging. This serves to reassure that no matter the content discussed, everyone belongs and is loved.
- Create agreements and display them at each meeting. Some examples are “one person talks at a time,” “use respectful language,” “anyone can take a break, but you must come back,” etc. New agreements can be added as time goes on. These can be formed to model your family’s values.
- Have an agenda. Regular topics like schedules, meal plans, grades and assignments can be recurring, but when the need to address something specific arises, use a whiteboard that acts as a running list of topics that everyone can see. This helps to reduce some potential anxiety, too, as no one will be caught off guard.
- Use the first meeting or two to create your family values and expectations document together. Parents remember: everyone is accountable. We model the behavior and values we hope to encourage.
- Be flexible. This practice can change as your family changes.
- Remember that this time serves to unite the family toward collective and equitable goals and decision making.
- When children feel empowered to be heard and contribute to the harmony of their family, they go out into the world with greater self-efficacy and trust. We’re rooting for your success!
For parents of teens and soon-to-be teens: Boost your parenting skills with Outreach’s upcoming program: STEP Teen (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting). This evidence-based group offers tools to confidently navigate teenage challenges and strategies for fostering family cooperation. STEP Teen empowers you to create a more harmonious home environment during these crucial years. Check out Outreach’s website, outreachteen.org or Facebook and Instagram: @Outreach_teen for fall and winter dates for the opportunity to enhance your parenting journey!
Outreach Teen & Family Services [1]
[1] is a nonprofit, confidential counseling service. We offer programs to youth ages 5 to 21, parents and families in a welcoming environment. This column is partially underwritten by the Mt. Lebanon Police Association.