Have you ever felt the sting of comparison?

You’ve likely heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” While it may seem cheesy or overused, its true meaning continues to play a role in all of our lives, especially for youth.

In today’s increasingly polarized society, we often feel pitted against each other, all striving to be the coolest. The smartest. The most athletic. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to better ourselves—if we were always completely content, life would become utterly dull. However, the issue lies in the vicious cycle of comparison: our constant, instinctive urge to view the world as us vs. everyone else.

Imagine you’re scrolling through Instagram, TikTok or Snapchat. You see a friend’s post, but instead of simply liking, commenting and moving on, you feel consumed by jealousy. Why isn’t your life as exciting and glamorous? You are not alone. Excess social media can have detrimental effects on youth mental health. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, adolescents who use social media for three hours or more daily are twice as likely to suffer from poor mental health, including depression and anxiety.

Now, think back to school. You’re a high school freshman in Honors English 9, and you just got a 91 percent on your in-class essay. Bursting with excitement and relief, you ask your friend about their score. They got a 93. Suddenly, your mood plummets. You begin to doubt your effort and feel less proud of your grade. You are not alone here either. According to the CDC’s report in 2021, more than 42 percent of students [in the United States] felt persistently sad or hopeless, and nearly
29 percent experienced poor mental health.

The act of comparison steals our joy in so many aspects of life beyond social media and school. Whether in sports, extracurriculars or  friendships, we again find ourselves viewing the world through the same lens: us vs. everyone else. Someone else’s success becomes our own failure. This constant comparison is ceaseless, leading to a toxic cycle of dissatisfaction, self-doubt and poor mental health.

So, how do we combat this?

Reflection: Take time to analyze the effects of comparison on your own life — in the way you see the world. By recognizing how comparison may be robbing you of your happiness, you can work to mitigate its negative impacts.

Gratitude: Be grateful for what makes your life exciting, glamorous and unique, and be proud of yourself! Your 91 percent is evidence of your diligence and tenacity. Your friend scoring 2 percent higher does not invalidate your pride or joy.

Remember, reflection and gratitude aren’t always easy. If you ever feel overwhelmed, anxious or depressed, don’t hesitate to seek help. Outreach Teen & Family Services is one of many support services available to you to help you navigate the complexities of life. Or, if you’re not ready to take that scary step, tune into Teens Tap In, Outreach’s youth-led mental health and wellness podcast! Don’t be ashamed of appearing vulnerable. Asking for outside support takes immense courage and is a sign of strength.

You have the power to stop comparison from stealing your joy. Embrace your uniqueness and find joy in your achievements. Don’t let the successes of others steal your happiness. Strive to seek joy from within.

Outreach Teen & Family Services is a nonprofit, confidential counseling service. We offer programs to youth ages 5 to 21, parents and families in a welcoming environment. (412) 561-5405. This column is partially underwritten by the Mt. Lebanon Police Association.